Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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