we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
