i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
