you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
