The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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