normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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