I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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