I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So much rum. So many feels.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
