i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
