I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize