hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
