Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
