I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
