He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize