Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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