They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
