wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
