She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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