She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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