It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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