Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
