im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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