apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need moral support for this bender
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
