i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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