You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
