And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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