If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
