highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
