I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
