at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
