Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
