It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
