i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
