Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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