Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
