i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
