you would pick up someone in the library
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
