try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
