Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
