i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
