took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
