Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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