who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
