Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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