My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
