I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
