No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
