I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
