for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
