does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
