I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And then my night got REAL pukey
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
