Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
