There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
