remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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