haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
