Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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