then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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