zippers are such a cool invention
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
