that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You are the jesus of drinking
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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