If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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