Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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